Questions without answers … yet

I recently learned about a Lay Formation Program through the diocese. It is a 3-year commitment to study, attending a day-long class one weekend a month, and a retreat once a year. I have been gathering more information about the program … I deeply hunger for more. The idea of more formal learning is very exciting to me!

I was telling my husband about it last night and his reaction was surprising. I knew he wouldn’t be interested in it for himself, but I didn’t think he would object at all to my own interest.

But he did. He was emphatic, shaking his head, asking “who would want to do that?!” and made the comment, “it just sounds to me like a bad road to becoming even more of a ‘church lady!'”

ouch.

I learned a long time ago that discussing my faith is a stumbling block for him – it pushes him away – so I try to be very careful about that. Generally he doesn’t object to me participating in “churchy stuff” as long as I don’t bug him to join me.

I don’t know – I don’t know why I’m posting this, exactly. It certainly isn’t to give a bad impression of my husband; he is my best friend and is very patient and supportive. I guess that’s why his reaction surprised me. He’s encouraged me to go back to school if I want, but nothing at ISU interests me enough to invest the time, effort and money.

But this program sure does, only now I don’t know. I believe I honor God by honoring my husband. I know I could talk to him again and he would agree it’s “ok,” but I also know that it will cause resentment somewhere along the line.

So I’m reflecting today, praying God provides direction and protects my heart and mind so I don’t nurture my own resentment. God promises that when we seek, we will find and He’s answered that prayer so many times for me already! So I’m confident that if “this” isn’t the answer for me, He will provide something else that is better for both me and for my husband.

I have been reading and re-reading Exodus chapters 33 and 34 lately … seriously, over and over. I love how it repeats that Moses and God were “intimate;” that they spoke face-to-face every day in the tent of meeting; and still Moses asked God to let him see His glory. Sometimes we feel ungrateful when we have so much and still ask for more, but in this case I think it’s ok – God is happy when we are asking for more of Him!

Please show ME your glory, LORD! I dearly desire more of you, to the depths of my soul.

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Following suit

Last weekend I heard Psalm 23 read. We are all so familiar with it; it is comforting and very beautiful. But for some reason I heard one line a little differently this time. The entire Psalm says:

23The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest  my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever

I know that verse 6 is saying that the goodness and the mercy that follow me all my days, are the goodness and mercy of God. I love knowing God is both before us, and also our rear guard (Isaiah 52:12 For you shall not go out with haste, nor go by flight: for the LORD will go before you; and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.)

But on this occasion I was thinking about all the wonderful things described in the Psalm: green pastures, the Lord Himself leading me, restoring me, comforting me, preparing a table. And I just think that with all of those blessings being poured out onto me, the proper response is that I shall follow suit … I will share goodness and mercy with others, and in that way goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.

 

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