Sometimes people ask me for “my story.” I’m never quite sure how to reply. I am a cradle Catholic and I honestly don’t remember a time that I didn’t believe in God and know He existed.
I’ve had various moments, of course, where I’ve leaped to a new level of “knowing” and understanding. I’ve heard Him speak directly to my heart twice, and He has patiently taught me how to know when the Holy Spirit is guiding me, and to trust in it.
But my story?
I grew up on an Iowa farm and my mom took all five children to mass every Sunday and to catechism classes every week. I realize now what a great labor of love that was for her, and a great gift to me.
In time, God brought three women of faith before me. At the worst times in their lives, they clung to Him. My grandmother and Linette both battled cancer and lost the battle, but showed me how much they trusted God and drew strength from Him; Toni lost her son in an accident and turned to Him for comfort … not away from Him in anger.
I puzzled over all of those for a long time – and I was afraid. I knew that if I faced any of those trials, “I” would falter, “I” would fall apart and never “get myself together again.”
And then one day at mass, Father Boes gave a homily about a “relationship” with God. And I left wondering … I try to follow God as best I understand, I pray to Him, but how do you have a relationship with One whom you can’t see or hear or touch? The answer was whispered to my heart … the same way you have a relationship with anyone. You spend “time” together.
And so I spent time just talking to Him … and listening. And oh, how blessed I have been by our time together! I have prayed that He protect me from being deceived; that He teach me to hear and know His voice; that He help my unbelief; that He help me love Him more than anyone or anything in the world.
Gradually, over time, I have seen every one of those prayers answered in amazing ways. I am no longer afraid – the fear has been replaced by peace. I know, now, that “I” never could “hold myself together.” It’s all God. He has led me to study the Bible for myself, and to know why I believe what I believe so I will not be easily deceived. And when my dad died, He showed me that He is my strength, He is my comfort and my hope.
He taught me that truly, we can rejoice in our trials because God uses them for our good. Not only do they teach “me” as I walk with Him through the valleys, but other people may be witness and can be blessed too. My grandma and Linette never knew what an impact they had on me in the worst moments of their lives, but God used them in amazing ways.
Most important, I learned that God is not a peripheral that orbits around me. He is front and center of my universe – the focus and “the point.”
Now, as I rapidly approach my 50th birthday, I am standing with Him at a new point of beginning. I can look back and see what He has taught me; and I look ahead with expectation and hope.
And I know this truth … God is all.
[…] have written about “my story” as a believer (found here) … the paths He’s used to draw me closer, to teach me, to help me […]